An Open Letter to Our Four Legged Friends

Dear Deer, and other animals with whom we share the land,

I would like to say to you all -- raccoons, turtles, deers, skunks, anyone -- stay on YOUR SIDE of the road. There's nothing over here that isn't over there. There's no need risking your life to explore the other side of the road. I've been there. It's pretty much the same. The road is there for Kenworths; you stay off the road, the Kenworths will stay off you. And Escalades. So don't give into temptation; when you feel the pavement under your feet, retreat. In fact, that should be your motto: Pavement Under Your Feet? Retreat! I'd have T-shirts made up for you guys with that slogan printed on them, but you're all different sizes, and probably wouldn't know how to put it on right anyway.

But that's it, from me to you, from us to you. We all like you, we people. We're not all trying to kill you, but there's no need ever to cross the street. Okay? Stay put. Stay alive.

Your friends,

-- People.