This has got to be some kind of ignorance world record...

When I was in Junior High over thirty years ago, I heard the joke What's grey and comes in quarts? An elephant.

I just "got it" about twenty minutes ago.

Ohhh, 'Zatchyoomryt?

Translation: "Oh, is that you, Myrt?"

Yes, more Fibber McGee and Molly nonsense from the BleggahBlog. I've mentioned this before, but to recap, I had an aunt who was a telephone operator in the 1930s and 40s. (Insert jpeg of Aunt Eth but do not print this little bit of text in parentheses...) 

Aunt Ethelyn a.k.a. Myrt

Her name was Ethelyn, but everyone called her Myrt because of a very popular character on the radio show Fibber McGee and Molly, or, as it was officially called, The Johnson Wax Program With Fibber McGee and Molly. (Insert jpeg of Fibber McGee and Molly but not this text within the parentheses...)

Jim and Marian Jordan as Fibber McGee and Molly, illustrated by Sam Berman for a 1947 NBC promo

Here's how the Myrt bit worked in a nutshell: McGee would pick up the telephone, usually in a huff, and start nagging the operator to make the connection as soon as possible! This was important business! "Hello, operator! Get me the Mayor's office! I've got a bone to pick with---" and then he'd abruptly stop; his mood would change, and he'd be as nice as could be... "Oh, is that you Myrt?" (In the old days there were several operators working at a time and it was just chance which one of them randomly answered your call.) When McGee got Myrt on the line, everything else seemed unimportant. There was always time to chat with Myrt.

Keep in mind, you never heard Myrt. She was on the other end of the phone and you could only surmise what she was saying based on McGee's reactions. The joke was always on poor Molly. Molly -- like us -- only heard McGee's end of the conversation, and the way McGee spoke, it always sounded like something dreadful was happening in poor ol' Myrt's life.

Here's a couple of my favorites...

(click to enlarge)

Not that anybody's reading this, but the phrase "Get a bar upon your arm" meant you got another stripe (or bar) on the sleeve of your uniform, if you were an officer receiving a promotion. (An ensign had only one stripe, a lieutenant had two, a commander had three, a captain had four, etc.) (I hear you saying, if you have to explain the joke, it ain't funny.) (Well, I'll ignore that only because I know nobody's reading this.) (We now return to Fibber McGee and Molly, already in progress...)

Here's one more Myrt bit, then I gotta go... (I'm moving today. Wanna help?)

(click to enlarge)

That's all for now. I gotta go. Thanks once again for Blogging at Bleggah. Which is a stupid signoff, actually, because you're not the one blogging; I am. Blogging is the act of creating a blog, isn't it? Not the act of reading a blog. I don't know for sure. The fact that nobody's reading this, however, puts my mind at ease and am therefore not in a big hurry to change my signoff. How about a simple goodnight all. That's how Molly used to end The Johnson Wax Program With Fibber McGee and Molly. "Goodnight all." Also, I'd like to get a sponsor for my blog, like Johnson's Wax, their HQ is not far from where I live, actually. I could drive over there and ask them if they'd sponsor my blog and then I'd call it The Johnson Wax Blog Featuring Bleggah and All Stuff Like That There...

Wasting my time watching Leave it to Beaver

I've always claimed that "Leave it to Beaver" reruns are the closest thing I'll ever have to home movies. Even though I was about ten years younger than Beav (LITB ran from 1957-1963 and my childhood ran from about 1967-1973...) my life was very much like that depicted on the TV series. So when I get nostalgic for my own childhood, I watch Beav reruns and I feel like I'm watching home movies... with a laugh track. That's why this blog has many Beav references, for what it's worth...

Random Beaver Moments That Made Me Chortle...

Larry and Beaver contemplate the ol' Cooper place. Larry sure has a way with words, don't he?

When I told my brother I was scared of the ol' Trieloff house, he said I was "warped."

Eddie once said of Ward, "When I'm at the door, I think he'd rather see Kruschev standin' there!"

Lumpy. Alright, who hasn't done this when they look at their own reflection in a window.

Thanks for Bloggin' at Bleggah.

A couple o' chuckles from the late great Mitch Hedberg (comedian RIP)

From the mind of Mitch Hedberg, 1968-2005:

... or, if that's not to your liking, try this one on for size...

One more please:

MITCH: All McDonald's commercials end the same way. They say, 'Prices and participation may vary...' I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner! "Can I get a cheeseburger?" "Nope! All we got is spaghetti! And blankets!"

My Top Ten Favorite Fourth Wall Busters

I wrote this once before in an earlier blog, but have since deleted it.

Now I've refurbished it from a Top Five List to a Top Ten List. 

Please read it again. And thank you for blogging at Bleggah!

You're all aware of what they mean in television and movies and theater when they refer to The Fourth Wall, right? If not, I'll explain it to both my readers, one of whom is me, as it will help understand this Bleggah!Blog post.
In show business, there's a thing called The Fourth Wall. This is where the audience sits, or where the TV cameras are, or where the movie camera is positioned. For example, pretend you're in the audience at a school play; the stage is usually set up using just three walls: left, right, and rear. The Fourth Wall is missing, so you, the audience, can see the action. Get it?
OK. Imagine the living room on TV's All In The Family (fig. A).

(fig. A)

Archie and Edith's chairs, obviously, are located at center stage. The left wall is where the kitchen is located, and the dining room table; the right wall is where the front door is, and the couch where Meathead and Gloria usually sit; the rear wall has the stairway, the coat rack, and the hall closet. The Fourth Wall doesn't exist. It's where we, the viewers, are watching from, and, in the case of All In The Family or a school play, where the audience sits.
Have I over-explained it enough? There's nothing on The Fourth Wall -- no windows, no drapes, no pictures hanging -- because if there were, it would block our view (fig. B).

(fig. B)

So, having said that, there's a phenomenon in show biz called "Breaking The Fourth Wall" or "Fourth Wall Busting." This is when one of the actors faces The Fourth Wall and actually acknowledges the audience or the camera.
Well, I happen to be a fan of this phenomenon. Yes, I'm actually a fan of Fourth Wall Busting. (I lead a most exciting life.) (So exciting, in fact, that I actually have a list of my favorite Fourth Wall Busters.)

So here are my Top Ten Favorite Fourth Wall Busters: Are you ready?

#10 - The Skipper on Gilligan's Island

"Gilligan, WTF???"

Anytime Gilligan would screw up or say something dumb, Alan Hale Jr, as The Skipper, would usually glance at the camera, as if to say, "can you believe this fool?" It always cracked me up when he did this, because they were supposed to be stranded on a deserted island. What was he looking at? Did he know there was a cameraman there the whole time? If so, why didn't he ever ask him to send help and rescue them? I liked it, because it was telling me, the viewer, "don't take this show too seriously; we obviously don't..."

#9 - The Monkees

"Well, that's show biz!"

Around the same era as Gilligan's Island, mid 1960s, there was a show called The Monkees, about four out-of-work musicians who wanted to be like The Beatles, that is, famous. Well, the show was quite surreal to begin with -- with quick camera cuts and sudden wardrobe changes and wacky sound effects -- so the four boys, Mike, Davy, Peter, and Micky, had no problem breaking The Fourth Wall and talking directly to their audience. Sometimes at the end of a show, if things didn't go their way, they'd all four look right into the camera and say, in unison, "Well, that's show biz!"

#8 - Mr Roper on Three's Company

This looks to me like it started off as an accident and it got such a huge laugh that the producers said, "leave it in!" "In fact, do it every week!"

"Got her that time, eh,  folks?"

The late, great Norman Fell played Stanley Roper on the 1970's TV series Three's Company. Stanley was the fuddy-duddy landlord of the three main characters, whom consisted of two hot chicks living with some young guy. Well, Mr Roper wasn't all too happy about this set up, which acted as the subplot of the series. Another subplot focused on Mr Roper and his unhappy marriage to his nagging wife Helen. Helen would walk around the apartment building all day finding work for Stanley to do which he tried desperately to avoid. For instance, Helen would say something like, "Stanley, when are you going to fix the furnace in this building? I'm chilly!" And Stanley -- without even looking up -- would reply: "Frigid and chilly are two different things, Helen..." Then he'd turn his head and look right into the camera, knocking The Fourth Wall down completely, as if to say to us, "I got the bitch that time, didn't I?"

#7 - Carl Spackler in Caddyshack

One of Bill Murray's shining moments was his portrayal/creation of groundskeeper Carl Spackler in the 1980 golf movie Caddyshack, directed and co-written by Harold Ramis. However, some of Bill's funniest and most memorable scenes weren't scripted at all, rather they were made-up on-the-spot by Murray himself. For example the "Cinderella Story" hacking-off-the-flowers scene ("It's in the hole!") was improvised by Bill while Harold just filmed him; the scene with Chevy Chase in Carl's "apartment" was pretty much improvised, too (according to the audio commentary on the DVD, that is). But the only time in the movie anyone breaks The Fourth Wall, it is Bill Murray as Carl.

"What do you think, young man?"   "I'd keep playing..."

During a major rainstorm, Carl convinces Bishop Bickering that "the heavy stuff's not gonna come down for quite awhile..." and the Bishop keeps playing. Miraculous shots are made by the Bishop, looking as though he might have "made a deal with the devil" in an attempt to break the Club record. As the shots get spookier and spookier, Carl gets curiouser and curiouser, at one point, for a brief second, looking directly at us as if to say "Okay, this is getting weird... even for me!"

And of course Carl is right. In the end, the Bishop is struck by lightning and eventually denounces his faith in God. Carl slinks away, leaving the Bishop for dead. Pure black comedy.

#6 - Wile E Coyote

There's a Looney Tunes cartoon -- I don't remember the name of it -- but it features The Road Runner and The Coyote in one of their many chase scenes. In this particular one, the wily coyote had purchased a "Bat Man" costume -- from Acme, of course -- so he could jump off a cliff and swoop down and catch the Road Runner from above, literally appearing out of the clear blue. In a rare instance of an Acme product actually working for the Coyote, Wile E soars through the sky with the greatest of ease...

But, as will happen with ol' Wile, he has to let his ego get in the way, and while he's gracefully gliding through the Arizona desert skies, he has to show off a little, and glance at the camera, raise his eyebrows... and smirk, as if to say, "Clever, no? Am I not a sheer, unadulterated genius?"

But, as payment for his sin of vainglory... WHAMMMM!

Now... that's a pretty big rock. Or butte. Either way, didn't he see it up ahead when he was gliding so gracefully? Or was he so completely engulfed in pride that he couldn't see twenty feet in front of him?
That's all folks.

No, that's not all... I'm gonna throw a "bonus" in here -- we'll call it #6.1. Because the Looney Tunes cartoons were full of Fourth Wall Busters, there would be too many to mention. And besides, being cartoons, it's not really as surreal as it is when an actor does it. But the Coyote one is so priceless, I had to include it, as well as this one:

#6.1 - Bugs Bunny in Wabbit Twouble

This is an early Bugs Bunny cartoon (1941) featuring Elmer Fudd, neither of whom have reached their full development as cartoon icons yet (Elmer's kinda fat, and Bugs just isn't himself yet) but their characters are certainly established. Remember, people had only seen Bugs Bunny a few times by the time this picture came out in theaters, so Bugs feels the need to explain himself to the audience:

Click to enlarge if necessary. This cartoon is available at Amazon.
I say that so nobody yells at me for using these images...

#5 - Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein

I know, I know... it's Fronkensteen...

What a great movie this is. Featuring the late great Marty Feldman. Allow me, however, to digress for a moment and tell you a little something about this comic. Marty Feldman began his career as a British comedian in the sixties, writing comedy for David Frost's TV series, along with John Cleese and Graham Chapman of Monty Python fame, years before Python. David Frost had a sketch comedy program in Britain called The Frost Report and often times his writers would appear as extras in the sketches. This is how John Cleese became a star. Well, they wrote some sketches and needed Marty to appear on camera, but Frost was afraid that the general public couldn't handle Marty's bizarre appearance, thanks in part to his bulging eyes. Needless to say, it added to the humor and those bulging eyes became Marty Feldman's claim to fame, despite the fact that he was a brilliantly funny comedic actor.

Which brings us to Young Frankenstein. Eye jokes aplenty fill this movie, including Marty's character name: Just as Dr Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) prefers the pronunciation "Fronkensteen," Feldman's character, Igor, prefers to pronounce it "Eye-Gore."
And when Fronkensteen reprimands Eyegore with the phrase, "Damn your eyes!" Eyegore looks right at the camera -- Fourth Wall abroken -- and replies, almost proudly, "Too late."

"Damn your eyes!"   "Too late!"

#4 - Tim Canterbury on BBC's The Office

Recently, there has been a trend in fake reality TV. What used to be sitcoms became faux documentary programs: Reno: 9-11, The Office, Parks and Recreation... They are scripted comedies meant to look like reality TV shows. They incorporate a lot of hand held camerawork and, of course, actors interacting with the camera. The most famous of which is probably Steve Carell as Michael Scott on NBC's The Office.

Rick Gervais as David Brent, top, BBC's The Office;
Steve Carell as Michael Scott, bottom, NBC's The Office.

Now, I happen to be a fan of the original British version of The Office starring the pre-shark-jumping Ricky Gervais, and friends of mine will claim that it's "only because it's British." Well, they're wrong. I don't just like stuff because it's British. I like a lot of British stuff, but not just because it's British. Anyway, both Gervais and Carell play to the camera all the time, and to great comic effect. But in my opinion, no one has done it any better on these faux reality shows than Martin Freeman who played Tim Canterbury on the BBC version of The Office.

Martin Freeman... as if to say, "Oh my God, are you hearing what I'm hearing?"

Tim is just a normal guy (the equivalent to Jim Halpert on the NBC version) who happens to work at this office where a camera crew has been hired to film the daily goings-on. The impression you get from Tim's glancing at the camera is one of "Can you believe the inanity?!" and "This is what I have to put up with every day!" It got to the point that any time some other character would do something stupid or inane, the cameraman would actually seek out Tim in the office for his reaction! One gets the feeling that Tim is almost relieved that the camera is capturing some of the silliness that he puts up with everyday, because to tell his friends and family about it, they would probably not believe it, so Tim makes sure it's on film. Almost as if to say, "See?"

#3 Aubrey Plaza as April Ludgate on Parks and Recreation

Alright, so the whole concept behind Parks and Rec is derivative of The Office, yes, but at least you get to meet new characters. And it's interesting to see how different characters react to suddenly having a camera thrown into their daily lives. Parks and Rec is another fake documentary, that is, it's scripted like a sitcom, but filmed like a reality show. So there's a lot of talking to the camera and intentional Fourth Wall Busting,but there's also some subtle Fourth Wall Busting. And that's where April Ludgate comes in. She's a young, underpaid intern, fresh out of high school, who behaves like she doesn't want to be there and certainly doesn't care if there's a camera present. But in reality she's befriended the camera. It's her only real pal in the office. Unlike Tim Canterbury above, April doesn't hope the camera catches the daily silliness she has to put up with; she doesn't care. April uses the camera to capture her own witty, sarcastic remarks. She'll toss in a zinger at a meeting and then glance at the camera as if to say, "Did you get that? Aren't I precious!"

"What?!"

Sometimes she and the camera will "lock eyes" for an uncomfortable amount of time -- like two seconds -- and April will actually talk to it, "What?!" As if to say "What are you staring at?" Besides, she's incredibly cute.

#2 - Ralphie in A Christmas Story

One of my all-time favorite Fourth Wall Busters comes from one of my all-time favorite movies, A Christmas Story. You've prob'ly seen it a thousand times because they play it all day long on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day every year, but this year pay particularly close attention to this Fourth Wall Breaking scene: it's near the end of the movie, Ralphie finally gets his BB gun (oops, too late spoiler alert -- sorry) and, after being warned by every grown up he comes in contact with, he practically shoots his eye out the first time he fires the thing. For fear that his mother will take the gun away, Ralphie conjures up a story about an icicle falling and hitting him in the face. He also conjures up some fake tears to make the story more plausible. Mom falls for it, hook, line and sinker, and as she's helping him heal the scratch in the bathroom...

... Ralphie glances at us -- right through The Fourth Wall -- to let us know "It's working! She's falling for it! I'll get to keep my gun!" This glance is played to perfection by ten year old Peter Billingsley: Tears and crying as mom is facing him / smile at us when she turns away to get something out of the medicine cabinet / tears immediately again as she returns. As Wile E Coyote would say, sheer, unadulterated brilliance!

Which brings us to number one... I wish I knew how to link a sound byte to my blog, because right here I would play Doctor Demento's Funny Five Theme: "It's time for number one! This is it! Here it is! Number One!" (Maybe someday Megan can show me how to do that. Check out her blog here.)

And my number one, all-time favorite fourth wall buster is...

Image courtesy of http://img706.imageshack.us/i/743714360.gif/

Yes, it's got to be the great Oliver Norville Hardy. 

Everyone on this list who has gotten a laugh or two from breaking the fourth wall, owes a debt to Oliver Hardy. And some -- like Alan Hale Jr, as the Skipper, and Martin Freeman as Tim Canterbury on The Office -- have gone on record and given full credit to Ollie as their fourth-wall-busting inspiration. Ollie didn't invent fourth wall busting, but he did perfect it.

Return with me now to 1932 and possibly the greatest Ollie Hardy/Fourth Wall Buster of them all. The film is County Hospital, sometimes mistakenly called Country Hospital. But trust me, there's no R in it. And there's certainly no R & R in it for Ollie once Stanley shows up... (heh-heh...) (segue...)

Ollie is in the hospital recuperating from a broken leg. Stanley comes to visit him and brings him a gift: Hard-boiled eggs and nuts. "Hard-boiled eggs and nuts?" replies the outraged and somewhat disappointed patient. "Why didn't you bring me a nice box of candy?" Stan considers this for a moment, and replies, with child-like honesty, "You never paid me back for the last box."

After a brief argument and the realization that Stan is going to eat the hard-boiled eggs and nuts himself, Oliver looks right at the camera -- right into our souls -- and calmly but disapprovingly repeats: 

"Hard-boiled eggs and nuts! HHRRMMFF!"

Here endeth the fourth-wall-busting jocularity. Thank you for playing along, and, as ever, thank you for blogging at Bleggah!

A Guy at Work Today Reminded Me of This Skit

I absolutely love it when people quote an old obscure movie or TV show and I actually recognize the reference. I don't know why, but I feel superior for a moment, yet in reality it probably shows what a geek I am. Today at work one of the guys made a statement very similar to the last line of this obscure Monty Python skit, as illustrated below...

(Click to enlarge if necessary) (Screen shots from YouTube)

... in actuality, the guy at work paraphrased the "Listen Smart-Arse!" -line, but it was clearly a reference to this skit. I laughed and told him I recognized the line and then like a couple of nerds we quoted a few more. What struck me as funny about all this was that this was not "Say no more, nudge nudge," or "I don't like spam!" or "This is an ex-parrot!" or any other oft-quoted Python skit. This was tres obscuro!

And on that note, I'd like to conclude by putting me finger up me nose.

As usual, thank you for doing all your holiday blogging at Bleggah! Blog local!

L.O.L.O.T.W. (Laugh Out Loud Of The Week) (it's an abbreviation, not an acronym.)

Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation, Thursday night on NBC.

(Click to enlarge)

All's I can say is, I found it funny. Parks and Rec is always good for a laugh. You should watch it. And, as ever, thanks for blogging at Bleggah! (I'm trying to get a catch phrase going...)

More Silly Photoshop Images to Share With Nobody Reading This...

My politically incorrect proposal for a ramp alongside the infamous Galena (IL) High Street steps...

Let's not tell Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy about the road leading to the top on the other side of the hill...

George Carlin Meets Himself in Heaven...

George Carlin 1937-2008

Speaking of Comics in Heaven...

Mitch Hedberg 1968-2005

I'm Pretty Sure She's Talking About Me...

Heh.

And Here's Your Host, The One, The Only...

Possibly the worst Photoshopping ever done...

Whatever. Thank you for blogging at Bleggah!

Is This Or Is This Not The Best Joke They Ever Came Up With On Leave It To Beaver?

A classic scene featuring Harry Henderson, Beaver Cleaver, Gilbert Bates, Richard Rickover, and Penny Woods. Richard serves, Harry volleys it back, Beaver and Penny look on, and Gilbert spikes it over the net! Score!

Negativity Holds Sway

"The constant source of light in my life says Check Engine."

-- TjH

That is all I can muster this week. As ever, thank you for blogging at Bleggah!

The Fibber McGee and Molly Obsession Continues...

Yes, I talk a lot about the 1940's radio program Fibber McGee and Molly in this blog. That's because I don't get to talk about it much in the outside world, mostly because people either look at me strange or fall asleep while walking with me. Therefore, this blog is an outlet for my obsessions that I can't talk about in reality, so I'm hoping there's somebody out there I can connect with digitally. (Someday I'll blow you all away with my obsession with The Smothers Brothers.)

Here's an ad for an old Fibber McGee and Molly Box Set I recently purchased on eBay. (a) Yes they had box sets in the forties; that's when box sets originated; and (b) No they didn't; I made this all up. That's what you get for blogging at Bleggah!

The Compleat Fibber and Molly Third Season Box Set on 78 rpm bakelite disks.
Not available anywhere at any price. Ever. (Click to enlarge)

Rooting Around My Hard Drive

Here are some random images I found in my "Junk Drawer" folder on my hard drive. I may as well post them here. Just as many people are going to see them here as in my junk drawer. They're mostly images I slapped together in Photoshop for one reason or another. I'm sure, at the time, there was a perfectly logical reason for creating such images... then again, prol'ly not.

Here's a great moment from one of my all time favorite TV shows,

Leave It To Beaver...

This one I just call  *Sigh*

R.I.P.C.N.R.

Am I the first one to ever do this?

Another one of my favorite shows is 30 Rock, which all my friends think is

the same as 3rd Rock From The Sun. They couldn't be more wrong.

Speaking of 30 Rock, if it had been around in 1948, it would go something like this...

Kudos to you if you know who any of these people are...

From The Onion

That's all for now, but there'll be more.

I have tons of random images like this in my "Junk Drawer..."

And, as ever, thank you for blogging at Bleggah!

An Open Letter to Our Four Legged Friends

Dear Deer, and other animals with whom we share the land,

I would like to say to you all -- raccoons, turtles, deers, skunks, anyone -- stay on YOUR SIDE of the road. There's nothing over here that isn't over there. There's no need risking your life to explore the other side of the road. I've been there. It's pretty much the same. The road is there for Kenworths; you stay off the road, the Kenworths will stay off you. And Escalades. So don't give into temptation; when you feel the pavement under your feet, retreat. In fact, that should be your motto: Pavement Under Your Feet? Retreat! I'd have T-shirts made up for you guys with that slogan printed on them, but you're all different sizes, and probably wouldn't know how to put it on right anyway.

But that's it, from me to you, from us to you. We all like you, we people. We're not all trying to kill you, but there's no need ever to cross the street. Okay? Stay put. Stay alive.

Your friends,

-- People.